i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
