I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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