i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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