So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
