I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
