he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
is it fun? or sober?
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