New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
