Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
