Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
