btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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