new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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