I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
