So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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