One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
