just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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