nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
