So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
