Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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