I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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