I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
