at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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