If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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