it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
