I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
