If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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