honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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