Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Houston, we have a blender
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
