So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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