Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
