you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
