I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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