Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize