Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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