You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
