I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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