He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
