it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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