There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
