I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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