you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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