sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
