New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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