Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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