Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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