this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
