my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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