The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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