I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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