apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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