Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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