Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
