Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
