i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
