No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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