My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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