You don't have asthma, your pregnant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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