my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Damn victory sex feels great
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
