He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
