then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
