I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.