Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.