Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone