U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.