we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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