Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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