I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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