so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
