He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
