im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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