you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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